Explorer’s Blog 19: Managing your Emotional Capacity

If I had to pick a theme of my coaching conversations over the last month - both 1:1 and group sessions - it has been addressing the question of, how do you maintain composure when tested at work? In nearly every meeting I’ve had in recent weeks, the energy goes up when we start talking about this. Yeah! How do I manage my emotions in challenging situations?! 

Whether it’s a difficult conversation, making a decision under pressure, answering questions with incomplete information, etc. - how do you manage your own emotional capacity? It becomes more challenging when you’re feeling greater pressure, higher stakes, or even under-resourced yourself (I’m looking at you, Sandwich Generation with your competing priorities, too many temporal demands and too little sleep). 

But why does this matter? Why talk about emotions at work? 

Let’s be honest - things are pretty difficult right now for many leaders. We are in an unprecedented ‘era of volatility’ which is stretching and challenging us as individuals and as a collective in ways we’ve not experienced before. People and organizations are faced with an unprecedented pace of change while also working with a high degree of uncertainty. What a combination! 

Leaders in this environment are asked to steady the ship, even when the storm is raging outside. This is rarely part of the job description, but it is expected. And, done well, it is the mark of a strong leader. 

You can absolutely get this right. But before moving to solutions, we need to understand the issue, which is rooted in our own biology. 

Emotions are contagious. Studies of this go back to the 19th century and the "contagion of feeling" explored by James Mark Baldwin (Social and Ethical Interpretations in Mental Development, 1897). It is still studied by neuroscientists and psychologists today. First there is some synchronization of behavior (expression - I smile, you smile back; posture - I cross my arms, you cross yours; tone - I speak quieter, you speak quieter, etc.). Then our emotional experience changes, consciously or, more often, unconsciously, based on the non-verbal signals being given off. There are different influences that shape this contagion and studies of this in workplaces have shown there to be organizational norms that influence the emotional capacity of a workforce. But there is no question that, regardless of the setting, humans reflect other humans’ emotions. 

Indeed, a recent Gallup poll showed that up to 70% of team engagement is influenced by managers. That is much higher than I would have expected, but reflects the extent to which emotional contagion matters at work. Leaders have the ability to significantly influence their teams both positively and negatively. One client called this, “contagious mojo”. What emotions are you bringing into the workplace, even unconsciously? How is this impacting those you work with? 

Let’s now layer in that our human nervous system is wired to scan for threat. Our ancient instincts, residing in the oldest part of our brain - the amygdala - which first developed the basics needed to keep us alive, are still very much part of our biological processing. Our bodies do not know the difference between emotional and physical threat, meaning that the Board room full of executives and the Savannah full of tigers trigger the same instinct within us. Left unchecked, we will resort to fight / flight / freeze / fawn in the middle of a Board meeting. We know, of course, that the big important meeting will not actually kill us. But our nervous system is not so convinced. 

And it’s not just our nervous systems we need to quell. Given the significant impact managers have on teams’ emotional capacity, it is imperative that leaders remember that those around them are regularly scanning for threat, worry, concern, anxiety fuel. Managing our own amygdala hijack is important not just for ourselves but also for the benefit of those around us. 

Figuring this out matters because it’s how you foster trust. When it comes to building trust within teams, there are two critical components - 1) managing one’s own emotional capacity and 2) general consistency (i.e. consistent decision making criteria, communication, availability, etc.). I would argue that they are very much intertwined, but we’ll focus here on the former. Your ability to manage your emotions, to process appropriately, to role model healthy expression, to avoid the extreme highs and lows, to not “be the volcano” as I say to clients, is a leading indicator to how much they can trust you. 

So how do we send a different signal to our nervous system? How do we avoid amygdala hijack? How do we maintain our own emotional capacity? 

What is your contagious mojo? I repeat regularly, “you can’t change what you’re not aware of” so start by increasing your awareness of the effect you’re having today. Find out what emotions you are bringing into your workplace, both consciously and unconsciously. Then, articulate how you want to show up, the way you want to make others feel, the energy you want to bring into the room. Determine what needs to shift in order to bridge the gap between your emotional contagion today and the contagious mojo you want to bring tomorrow. 

The change starts with pause practices. The simplest way to avoid amygdala hijack, to interrupt the auto-route between our nervous system and our behaviors, is to pause. Pausing, even momentarily, is what empowers us to move from auto-reaction to thoughtful response. Consider small ways you can pause in meetings, at your desk, in conversation with others - whenever maintaining composure becomes difficult. Starting with your breath is great since you bring that with you wherever you go. The more you practice these now, the more you’ll be primed to pause the next time your nervous system reacts. 

There is so much more to read, reflect and practice with this topic. But start with one small practice now and see what shifts in your next difficult conversation. You might surprise yourself - and those around you. 

⭐️ I am deeply invested in you being the best leader you can be, and I partner with clients on three things:

✅ Bringing calm to the chaos

✅ Having clarity in decision making

✅ Maintaining confidence in their leadership

That's what you get when you work with me — ✨ calm, clarity, and confidence. Interested? Curious? Know someone who might benefit? Let's explore, together.

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